The Disastrous Mission
by mifuyu
Summary: *Under Revision; On Hold* Edward was sent on a mission..Hughes was sent to take pictures of Edward...Why? Because Edward was ordered to....! Implied RoyEd
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA…

Warning: Hints of Roy x Ed shounen-ai, cross-dressing, and total randomness.

A/N: I got this idea when I was daydreaming… I want to give some credits to Kimura Yuki for helping me with this… Thanks! This is my first FMA fic. So be nice on me! Thanks!

**Edited: I'm reading this and it's too rushed and... Eh, I just don't like it. Hope this time it's longer and makes the whole story more interesting (edited on April 14, '07)**

The Disastrous Mission

_Prologue_

"Sigh. This is so boring." Roy Mustang stared at his stack of papers.

The sky outside is pouring, and Roy could swear that there was a flash of lightning. He was forced to sit in his desk signing stupid papers that has nothing interesting on them. It's either about the amount of alchemists wandering about, or other things about politics that he shouldn't have been involved with in the first place. Damn him and his curiosity.

"Sigh". He turned back to his papers.

Ever since Edward Elric had become the Fullmetal Alchemist, he had caused a lot of trouble that eventually became Roy's stack of papers. Basically, Roy got all the complaints on the young alchemist, and he was ordered to fix up the problems that were caused by said alchemist.

But although they were annoying and bothersome, they were very entertaining to read. It had lightened up his day by thinking that he could tease the young alchemist when he comes back to give his report.

After the Edward was able to control himself and cause lesser trouble (credit to Alphonse), his papers had returned to its normal boringness. If only there was something that he could do to spend his time…

xxx

Riza Hawkeye neatly stacked up the papers that her supervisor needs to sign by the next day. The process of paper-signing has slowed down, and she is getting quite irritated.

"I gave him those papers to sign last week! It does not take long to sign those papers." Riza angrily slammed another report on the already-tall stack of papers. The force caused the stack to topple down. "Shit."

"Did I just hear Hawkeye swear? Wow, it must be the end of the world!" Riza turned around and glared at Hughes.

"Shut it, Hughes. You don't want me to get even more pissed off, do you?" She reached down and grabbed her gun. Hughes raised his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I won't tease you. Now would you mind telling me what has caused our little Riza-chan to take her anger on these innocent sheets of paper?" He waved a random piece of paper around to prove his point. Riza glared harder. Hughes just laughed at her. Sighing, Riza bent down and collected the papers.

"If you have so much time wandering around the headquarters, why don't you come and help me restack these?" Chuckling, Hughes crouched down to look at her.

"One word: Why?"

"I need to give these to Colonel to sign. They're due tomorrow and he still hasn't finished signing one single document. And if you don't help me, I'll use you as target practice."

"Heh, you have to know, Riza, that you can never force our dear Roy to do anything that includes a pen, a paper, and signing. It's like sugar and water. They don't mix." Collecting the last document, she stood up and headed towards Roy's office.

"I know. Well, I'm going to give these to him… and make sure he finishes them." She knocked on the door. "Oh, and by the way, that's the wrong metaphor. It is oil and water. Not sugar and water."

xxx

"Rrriiizzzaa! I don't want to sign these stupid papers. Can't Maes help me? Maes! I know you're standing outside my door!"

"Sir, signing these papers is part of your job. And no, Hughes cannot help you. It's your job, your work, and is your responsibility." She put the stack of papers on his desk. Hughes walked in.

"Yo, Roy! Heh, aww, does little-cutie-Roy-chan needs help wif signing his littwle papews?"

"Shut up, Maes. I'm NOT cute, nor am I small!" Roy pouted. Hughes just laughed at him. He walked over and leaned over Roy's chair.

"Hey, if you're really that bored, I have an idea in mind that you could do…" He whispered his plan to Roy.

"Hey, Hughes! Don't distract him from his work!"

"…girl…"

"Mustang!"

"That's…"

"Hey! Hughes!"

"Heh."

"Don't you think that's such a good plan? Now we just need someone to do this to…" Roy and Hughes laughed evilly. Annoyed with both men in the room, Riza shot her gun at the ceiling. Distracted, the two men looked at Riza.

"What is it, Riza?"

"Aw, put that gun away now... We won't do anything… yet…" Veins appeared on the woman's forehead, and she aimed her gun at the men.

"Out, Hughes. GET OUT."

"Eh, okay okay… Well, I'm gonna go now, Roy… let's talk about this later. Heh." Roy's eyes sparkled like a new child who just found a new toy.

"Great. Then I'll see you at lunch."

"Right. Then I'll wait for you at the entrance-"

"OUT, HUGHES, OUT." Chuckling, Hughes left the office. Riza directed her glare at Roy. Roy visibly gulped.

"Um, Lt. Hawkeye, don't you think I deserve a nice break? I have finished a few stacks already." Riza stared at the stacks of paper on the desk.

"Sir, there are… at least 8 stacks of paperwork, each with 200 documents. This is at least 1600 documents you need to read over and sign. So before you have a break, you should at least finish half the pile. Don't you think?" The lazy Colonel Mustang sank into his seat.

"Come on, Riza-chan. Give your cute Roy a break."  
"Don't call me 'Riza-chan'."

"Aw, but it fits your name… Did you want me to call you 'Ri-chan'?" Roy pouted.

Riza sighed. She can never win against his pout. It was just too cute. _Cute? Where did _that_ come from?_ She sighed. _It must be the stress._

"By the way, Sir, the Elric brothers are coming back this afternoon to report."

"Really? They're coming back today?" His eyes sparkled in delight. Riza raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yes… they're coming today…"

"Great! Hm… Good job for telling me that…hehehe…" Riza sighed. She pitied the Elric brothers. Whatever the stupid Colonel is going to get them do, it's not going to be good.

"Sir, I think that you should be finishing up the paperwork before you even _think_ of doing anything. I'll tell the others to not disturb you work from now on. I'll take my leave now, Sir." Riza saluted to Roy and made to leave his office. At the door, Roy stopped her.

"Hey, Ri-chan?" Sighing, she turned back to her officer.

"Yes?" She just knew that what she would be hearing next would leave her speechless. Especially the way how he just smiled that smile, that smile that just looked plain evil.

"Do you think Edward looks girly enough?" Riza stared.

"Edward is a teenager who is still growing."

"But do you think he looks girly?" She paused to think. Yes, of course, with his feminine features and that small body… Edward Elric could pass off as a girl anytime. And then it suddenly clicked to her. She grinned.

"If you want to do that, you have to finish those stacks of documents first before you do anything. If you can't finish them by noon, then I'm going to prevent you from doing anything to him. You better finish your work, Colonel."

Roy groaned… damn… He glared at the stacks of paper. Stupid paper.

T.B.C

Even though this chapter and the next one isn't really interesting, it gets more interesting on chapter 3, so please continue read!

**Edit: Mhm, so I changed this and made it longer… so, please review and tell me what you think! **


	2. Chapter 1: The Mission

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

Warning: Hints of Roy/Ed shounen-ai, and cross-dressing.

**Edited: Eh… I don't think I had changed much, except for my wording and etc (edited on April 23, '07)**

_Chapter 1: The Mission_

"God, that was so stupid!" Edward Elric, the older brother of the Elric brothers complained.

"Nii-san, that wasn't too bad, was it?" Alphonse Elric tries to comfort his brother.

"Yes it was! That had nothing to do with the philosopher's stone! Stupid sadistic bastard…"

"Nii-san! Don't talk about other people behind their back! He's only sending us on these missions so we could gain more experience, especially when we find the philosophers stone!"

"Che, whatever. I'm tired and I just want to get this over with." Edward and Al stopped right in front of Roy's office. Al was about to knock on the door when Edward just opened the door and stomped right in.

"Bastard Mustang! We're back!" Roy looked up from his work. The only thing he saw was his stack of unfinished paperwork and Alphonse.

"… Hagane. Where are you? I can't see you."

"Who are you calling a midget so small you can't even see with a 100x microscope!"

By that, Roy smirked. _Hagane is just too easy to provoke. Hmph. Shrimp. His face is a little bit skinnier than usual... I wonder what happened… Wait. Stop! Why am I so concerned about Hagane? Hehe, is it because you __like__ him? No! Get lost you voice! Now I'm going mental…Ugh… What did Al just say?_

"…tang didn't even say that!" Al comforts his brother quickly, before another fight starts between them again.

Ed glimpsed at Al for a second, and amazingly, he didn't keep going at Roy.

"Hm? What's wrong, Hagane, this isn't like your old self." Roy looked from Ed to Al, "I bet you just came straight from the train, didn't you? Go put your things away and come find me this evening."

"Okay. See you this evening, then." Al said politely to Roy.

"See you then." Roy answered.

xxx

Al unpacked their luggage, and Ed lay on his bed. He sighed. It had been a long time since the last time he saw Roy, and he seemed to have gotten fatter. _Oh my god, why am I thinking about that stupid Mustang? I should just take some rest…._

"Nii-san, before you really go to sleep, please go and wash yourself! Don't go to sleep in your dirty clothes!" Al pulled Ed from his bed, and pushed him into the bathroom.

"Okay okay, why do I have to do such annoying thing? Can't I just wash when I wake up?" Ed pleaded.

"No way! Now, go into the bathroom and wash yourself fully before you come back out." Al ordered.

Ed groaned as he goes into the shower. He's so tired that he doesn't feel like washing himself right now, but he also know that if he doesn't wash himself now, Al wouldn't give him rest.

Al continued to unpack their luggage while Ed goes to shower. After ten minutes, Ed came out of the shower with his hair-soaking wet.

"Are you satisfied now?" Ed flopped down on the bed. In less than a minute, Ed was asleep like a pig. Al tried his best to shake Ed awake.

"Nii-san! Please dry your hair before you go to sleep! You'll get a cold!" A snore was his reply. "Fine! Be that way, nii-san!" Ten minutes passed. Al was still trying to shake Ed awake. "Nii-san! Please dry your hair before you go to sleep! You'll get a cold!" In the end, it was Al who took a spare towel and helped him dry his hair. Al gave Ed half an hour of sleep before roughly shaking him awake.

_Ed was dreaming about Winry and him kissing. He slowly opened his eyes, and the eyes of one Flame Alchemist looked back at him. He shrieked and pushed Roy away. "Where did Winry go? I was just kissing her!"_

"_What are you talking about, Hagane? We were kissing the entire time…"_

"_OH MY GOD. GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!" _

"Plah! Disgusting! Gross! Get lost! You bastard Mustang!" Ed sat up straight and opened his eyes. He came face to face with a shield of armor. "Ahh! Don't try to kill me!"

"Nii-san! Why would I want to kill you? Nii-san! It's me, Al!"

Ed looks up, and focuses his eyes on Al, "Oh, its you, Al." Ed rubbed his eyes. "Why are you waking me up? I'm so tired… Let me continue my dream… No wait. Why would I want to continue dreaming? Noo! I don't want to sleep! Never let me sleep! Ahh! He's haunting me!"

"Nii-san, are you okay? Do you have a fever?" Al asked worriedly.

"Huh? What? Err… no… I don't?" Al sighed.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going outside to take a walk. Oh, and Mr. Havoc came and to tell you that Colonel is calling for you. You better hurry up, nii-san. I'll see you later. Ja!" With that Al left the room, taking the spare keys.

"Ugh. Why did I agree to go into the military again?" Ed slowly went to change into his usual clothing, the black pants and shirt with his favourite white gloves. He then tied his hair into a braid. Ed took the keys and left for Roy's office.

xxx

"Oi Mustang! What do you want with me?" Ed yelled when he slammed the door open. Roy simply raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"Had you want me to do something to you?" Those words triggered the dream Ed had just minutes ago and a faint blush spread themselves across Ed's face.

"Shut up! I don't fancy you, you stupid dumbass colonel!"

"Hagane, I think you should choose your words wisely because, I am the Colonel and with one snap of my fingers," Roy snapped his fingers. The crumpled piece of paper sitting innocently beside Ed's seat burst into flames and then into ashes. "I could kill you right now. Back to your earlier question, I have a mission for you." Ed 'hmph'ed and leaned back into his chair.

"Another mission? I just came back this afternoon!"

"Now, didn't I just say to choose your words wisely? Maybe I should give you a punishment when you do that again. Isn't that a good suggestion?" Roy smirked.

"Why are you asking me? I'm not you, you know."

"Hn. I need you to go spy at the people in Lior. I was told that they are plotting something on the Fuhrer." Roy ignored what Ed said and told him the main point.

"…Fine. When's the briefing?"

"That, I'll tell you tomorrow. Stay at the Central. You're dismissed." With that Roy went back to work. And Ed went back to his room.

T.B.C.

A/N: Okay, so Ed was given a mission. What evil plans does Roy have? Please R&R, it'll make Kimura Yuki and I very happy :)


	3. Chapter 2: What! Crossdress?

Disclaimer: nope, the last time I checked, I didn't own FMA.

Warning: Hints of shounen-ai, cross-dressing, and hints of RoyxEd.

_Thoughts _

**Edited: This chapter was so crappy… -.-'' (edited on May 27, '07)**

_Chapter 2: What? Cross-dress!_

_That was so close._ Roy stared at the pile of ash in front of him. Just minutes ago, it was sitting in plain view in front of the target. He would have to remind himself of where to put things, especially notes that would possibly cost him his life.

He sighed. He looked at his watch. Ten minutes until 7. He should go meet up with him soon…

xxx

Ed was bored. Actually, bored would be an understatement.

"What should I do?" He sighed. _Where did Al say he was going again…? _"The park." _Hm…_ _Maybe I should go to the park too and see if I can find Al on the way._

Ed took his coat from the chair and left his room.

xxx

Roy's eyebrow twitched. That is _not_ a good sign. _He's 15 minutes late. It does _not_ take someone that long to get ready. _

"Hey! Roy-chan!!" Roy turned around and saw a big blob flying straight at him. His eyes widen.

xxx

_How come I don't see Al? Hm… And I was positive that he might still be here…_

"Ah! HEADS! The kid with the blond hair! Run away!" Ed looked around and saw a kid younger than him running towards him, pointing at him, then at the sky. Edward looked up.

"Ahh!" The water balloon fell on his head and exploded. The cold water dripped all over Ed's face, and his hair was soaked wet. Of course, if his head got wet, that probably means that his clothes got wet too.

"You-!" Before Ed finished his sentence, the kid started crying.

"I'm sorry! Hic- I didn't hic- mean to drop the water hic- balloon on you." The kid's mother came and quick as a flash took out her handkerchief and started wiping Edward's hair.

"I'm so sorry, little boy. My son didn't mean to drop it on you. I'm so sorry." Edward was about to explode, but when he saw how the kid was crying so hard, he swallowed the words that were about to come out.

"It's…it's okay, don't worry about it. I'll just need to go home and change, that's all. Well, bye." Ed left the mother and child and headed back to his place.

xxx

"You do _not_ punch a fellow friend when you see them, Roy_-chan­­_." Roy snorted.

"It's not my fault that I saw a bowling ball flying straight at me. My first reaction would be to punch it, obviously." (1)

The corners of Hughe's mouth twitched. "It's nice to know that I'm so loved." Roy laughed.

"Well, then, to show how much I _love_ you, I'll take you to a _fancy_ restaurant and I'll _confess_ to you of our undying love for each other…"

xxx

"Ugh. Now I have to change into clean clothes." He looked at what he was wearing. It was soaking wet. "Sigh."

Ed searched his closet. Most of his clothes are in the laundry, and the only available clothing left was his red coat. Edward went to the bathroom and untied his braid, which was a tricky thing to do since his hair was all wet. But Edward ignored the wetness and took off his wet clothes. With only his undershirt and boxers on, he wore the red coat and buttoned all the buttons so it covers up his skin. Ed combed his hair straight and left the washroom, his wet clothes in the laundry basket. He then proceeded to pull on his gloves and boots and was about to open the door when suddenly the door opened and Havoc came in.

"Hey Edward! The Colonel… Edward?" Havoc looked around. He spotted a person, but didn't know it was Edward. "Um, miss, do you know where Edward Elric is? I need to find him right now. Can you tell me? It's urgent."

"Havoc? Why are you here?" Edward looked at him weirdly. Havoc was surprised.

"Miss? How do you know my name?" Now it was Edward's time to be surprised.

"Miss? I'm Edward! Edward Elric! Who do you think I am? Huh?" Edward glared at Havoc.

"Edward? You're Edward? My, why do you look so much like a girl? I thought that you were some girl who was in your room!" Havoc exclaimed.

"What the hell? Who're you calling a girly guy that looks like a girl even without hair?" Havoc sweat dropped.

"I didn't say that, Ed. I just said that I mistaken you as a girl. No harm done, is there?"

"Hmph. Like yeah right." Edward said sarcastically.

"Cough… like I said. The Colonel wants to see you right now."

"Colonel Mustang? Why does he want me now?"

"Uh, I'm not sure, but he just said that he wants you in his office right now." Havoc stared at Edward curiously.

"What? Why are you staring at me so weirdly?" Ed said.

"…Nothing. I'm just telling you to go to the Colonel now." Havoc looked away. Ed looked at him suspiciously; he wanted to say something, but changed his mind.

"Okay then. I'm ready to go." Ed finished his words and about to leave, but saw Havoc still in the room, "Havoc, why are you still standing there? Let's go!" Ed called, and Havoc quickly followed.

xxx

"Sir! I have brought Edward Elric here." Havoc saluted.

Roy turned around in his chair, "Good, you can-" He stopped his sentence and stared at Edward. "Havoc, why did you bring a young lady into my office? I thought I said to bring Hagane."

"You stupid Colonel, what are you talking about? I AM Edward Elric!" Ed spat out. Obviously he had already forgotten what Roy had said in the afternoon. Havoc quietly left the room – he's not that stupid.

Roy stared at Edward for a moment before he snapped out of his thoughts.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice that it was you; your disguise is so good that you even fooled me. How did you get the idea of cross-dressing, Hagane?"

"I didn't get the idea. It wasn't even a disguise. Some kid splashed me with water and got me soaked so I came back and changed into the only thing I have." Ed muttered. But being Roy, he heard it and smirked.

"I guess that will be the disguise you will be wearing during the time you are going to spy on Lior, right, Hagane."

"What the hell? I'm not going to cross-dress or whatever you call it! I'm going to pretend to be some guy, not a GIRL! Bastard." The last word Ed said to himself rather than to Roy. But Roy heard it.

"Hagane, do you not remember what I told you few hours ago? One slip of your tongue and I'm going to punish you. Since you are going to be a girl when you go to Lior, I would like you to get some training done, so then no one can ever distinguish you as the Full-Metal Alchemist. I will give you 3 days time. On the last day, I want you to come back here and show me the results of your training. The day of your departure to Lior will be announced when your training ends."

"Why do I have to be a _girl_? Can't I be some guy? You stupid womanizer! And what the hell do you mean by 'training'? I don't need some girly training!"

"I'm sure Lieutenant Hawkeye would be happy to have you help her in target practice. She needs someone who can run around so she could practice her shooting."

"…What do you expect then, _sir?_"

"Well, it wouldn't be hard, would it? I just expect you to act like a girl, I'm sure that would be no problem for you. Just learn how they walk, talk, basically. It's not too hard now, is it?" Roy said calmly, getting out of his chair.

"It sure doesn't _sound _hard, but who knows?" replied Ed; he's not that easy to be tricked.

"If you really don't know what to do," Roy strode steadily towards Ed, "I, can help you act exactly like a girl in one certain way that all girls would act like." Roy holds Ed's chin gently, making Ed face towards him. "Would you like to try it? Then we can determine whether or not you need some practice or not." Before Ed could say anything or react, he was stunned by what Roy was doing. Roy has his lips on his.

T.B.C.

A/N: Oh my god! So cliffy! Hehe… thanks to Kimura Yuki (my sister) for giving out ideas! Hehehe…love this chappy so much! Hehehe…hope you wanna continue reading it!

**Edited: **

**1) Inside joke with my other friends. Just couldn't resist. (cough) Ms. D (cough) bowling ball (laugh)**

**Okay, yes, I know, it took me a month to post this up. But hey, I had 9 projects, not including tests, during the whole month " and then I never got into the mood of "humour"… I blame it on the stress. And then to make things worst, the biggest project of this year is to be presented on Wednesday, and I (along with my groupmates) need to revise the powerpoint and etc " it's this thing where we'll be having media to look at our presentations… I blame myself for joining a stupid special program (this program thing that's similar to the International Baccalaureate program). Me and my stupid decision (sigh) and yes, I'm going to stop ranting now. (cough) So, please R&R and tell me what you think **


	4. Chapter 3: Thoughts Ed

Warning: hints of shounen-ai, and RoyxEd.

A/N: Yay! We got reviews!

Thank you's:

DarkestAlchemist

Dorayaki

maria

Shizuma The Black Magician Alchemist

slytheriness

earthalchemist09

Me love you! (Hugs all of you really tight)

**Edited: Revised on Dec. 26, '07. **

Chapter 3: Thoughts (Part 1) - Ed

Ed was stunned. _What…what… I-is that asshole doing? He's…he's kissing me! Oh my god! Damn it! What's that bastard doing now? He's…he's…is he trying to get his tongue into my mouth! _Unconsciously, Ed opened his mouth for Roy to explore. _What the hell! But…it does feel..._ _Wait! What am I thinking about! I should push him away from me right now!_ Ed started to push Roy away, but it was no use, Roy had such a firm grip that he couldn't release himself from Roy.

Roy let go of his lips for a second and then attacked him again. _Fuck you! Bastard! Roy smells like strawberries… I wonder if he ate some yesterday… Mmm… yummy… your tongue is so soft… Why're you exploring my mouth! Explore… Mmm… Hey… I should fight back… he's taking too much of an advantage of me! _Roy puts his hand inside Ed's shirt. _What the hell! Now he's touching me! What should I do? __**KILL HIM! **_Roy then suddenly let go of Ed, his lips bleeding.

"FUCK YOU! You BASTARD! What was THAT for!" Ed yelled angrily at Roy, putting his hands around his body. Roy wiped away the blood with the back of his hand and smiled,

"Well, didn't I tell you that I would punish you if you don't choose your words carefully?"

"I… I…FUCK YOU BASTARD!" With that Ed stormed out of his office and slammed the door.

xxx

Edward ran through the doorway and in to his room. He slammed the bedroom door shut. _Dammit, that stupid colonel! _Ed thought angrily.

"Nii-san? Nii-san? Are you okay?" Ed looked up, and noticed that Al already came back from his walk.

"Huh? Wha-? Oh…I'm…I'm okay." Ed replied.

Al doesn't look convinced, "But…Nii-san, your face is red! Are you sure you are okay? Are you sick or something? Do you want me to get a doctor for you?" Al asked worriedly. Ed put his hand against his cheeks. Feeling embarrassed, he tried to avoid the question.

"I'm fine Al, don't worry about me. So! How was your walk? Did you have fun? I went to the park to try and find you, but then I got all soaked instead. Some stupid kid threw a water balloon at me-"

"But nii-san, your face is so red!" Attempt failed.

"Don't be so nosy. I'm going to the washroom." Ed made up an excuse quickly, heading to the bathroom.

"Nii--" Ed slammed the bathroom door shut. "—san…(sigh)"

Ed thought about the things that happened in the office. _Why did I let him do that to me? Do I like guys? Or do I like girls? I don't even know anymore! Why did I get all blushy and… _girly _over that one stupid kiss? Isn't it the same as the ones in my dream? Except that it was the real thing… No wait, what the hell am I talking about? I don't want to know what it is like to kiss the real thing! Um…I already did kiss the real thing… &(&!!... this is confusing me! I need help! Someone help me!! _

Alphonse knocked on the bathroom door.

"Nii-san? Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some water?" Ed stared at the door.

"Um… I'm alright! Sorry Al, can you get me a cup of water? I'm just going to take a shower…"

"Alright, nii-san." Edward let out a breath that he didn't notice that he was holding.

_Okay. Now I need to sort out my thoughts… …I cant concentrate! Screw it! I'm going to take my shower!_

"Nii-san, I have your water… Oh, you already started showering? Then I'll just leave it on the table."

xxx

Edward walked out of the bathroom drying his hair.

"Shoot, I have knots in my hair now." He tried to undo the knot but in the end just made it worse. "Screw this, I give up." He lay on his bed and tried to fall asleep.

"Nii-san? You still haven't drunk your water yet. Here." Al gave the cup of water to Ed.

"Thanks, Al." He sat up and drank the water and then fell back on top of his head. Al dragged a chair over to sit beside his brother.

"Nii-san, do you have anything that is worrying you? Because you know that you could always talk to me about anything." Ed looked at Al with tears streaming down his face. He suddenly hugged Al.

"Al! You're my best little brother ever! I knew I can count on you! I really have something I want to tell you! Its about that stupid-" Edward suddenly stopped. _No wait… Should I really tell him? Should I tell him what happened when I saw that stupid colonel? Do I want to tell him about that thing that we had? No wait! What thing! We didn't do anything! But that k--- counts as doing something! Wait! Is that the "thing" that we had? I don't even understand myself! I need help! I need professional help!_

"Nii-san?"

_What should I do? I don't want to have that kind of "thing" going on between that stupid person and me! And why am I even thinking about it? I'm calling him "stupid" too many times! I'm thinking too much! I need to calm down! I need to go do something… right! Water!_

Edward suddenly sat up from his bed and ran to the bathroom. He frantically splashed water at his face and then ran back to his bed.

"Okay, calm down… Calm down…" Alphonse, who was watching the whole exchange between Edward randomly clutching his head to running to the bathroom to trying to bury himself under the blankets, sweatdropped.

"Um… nii-san? Are you sure you're okay?" Al was just able to make out the words that came from his brother.

"Calm down… I'm okay Al, let me go sleep… stop haunting me you stupid- oh my god I'm saying stupid again…" Al sweatdropped again.

"Err… Okay… But, nii-san, you still haven't told me why you were so red when you came back…" Ed sat up and screamed at the top of his lungs,

"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! STOP ASKING ME! Good night!" And quickly buried himself back into the blankets and pillows. He left Al sitting by his bedside sweatdropping.

"Is it… that time of the month?"

"I DON'T GET PERIODS! I'M NOT A GIRL! STOP ASKING ME! STOP HAUNTING ME YOU BASTARD MUSTANG!"

_Everything will be back to normal again, Edward. Remember, you're Edward, the Full-Metal Alchemist. You can't let stuff like that get into you. You like girls, not guys. REMEMBER THAT. YOU DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT BASTARD. Now go to sleep and have a good rest. _With those thoughts in mind, Ed had a good sleep. But his dream was about him and Roy kissing, again.

T.B.C.

Hope you like it guys! Hehe… took us pretty long typing this up because it was hard for _me_ to type Al and Ed, where it was easier for Kimura Yuki to type Al and Ed. But she's pretty busy these days, so we have to get a time where she's not as busy to type this up… Chapter 4 up soon!

**A/N: okay… the last part when its totally OOC of Ed to think those things… I blame it on me reading Gintama while typing this… it's corrupting my mind "" I finally finished editing this! Hooray for me! D**


	5. Chapter 4: Thoughts Roy

Warning: hints of shounen-ai, and RoyxEd.

Thank you:

Shingo-sama  
DarketAlchemist  
Freak0515

For reviewing!

**Edited: Revised on Dec. 29, 07**

Chapter 4: Thoughts (Part 2) – Roy

Ed was stunned. _Mmm… Hagane's lips are so soft. His face looks so cute like that. He should keep that face on… This feels so good. French kiss him. Okay. _

Roy's tongue begged for entrance. Unconsciously, Ed opened his mouth for Roy to explore.

_Edward, your mouth is so relaxing. Have you eaten any food lately? Because all I can taste are your taste buds, though I'm not sure myself how they taste like. Why am I kissing him again? Oh yeah, because he was being rude. Yes. This should be the punishment he gets every time he does that…_

Ed started to push Roy away, but it was no use, Roy had such a firm grip that he couldn't release himself from Roy. _I'm not going to let you go, since that I'm having so much fun, and relaxed. Have to let go! No more oxygen… _

They let go of each other. Roy then crashed his lips on Ed again. _Mmm. Let's do this again. Hagane, you mouth is so fun to explore. Your tongue is so soft… Mmm… I'm going to do this the whole time until we have no more air left. Hmm… maybe I should do something; so then I could see his reaction! _Roy's hand wandered inside Ed's shirt. _Belly button… stomach… he doesn't have a fat tummy… that's good. He's fit. Ow!_

Roy let go of Ed, his lips bleeding. Edward bit his lip.

"FUCK YOU! You BASTARD! What was THAT for?" Ed yelled angrily at Roy, putting his hands around his body. Roy wiped away the blood with the back of his hand and smiled,

"Well, didn't I tell you that I would punish you if you don't choose your words carefully?"

"I… I…FUCK YOU BASTARD!" With that Ed stormed out of his office and slammed the door.

Roy touched his lips, and smiled. _It was a really nice kiss… and his lips are so…soft… His face was so cute when I kissed him. I wish I could do that again… Oh my god! He's so cute! OH my GAWD! Wait! Why am I so happy about kissing Hagane? He's short, stubby, idiotic, stupid, disobedient, short, idiotic, stupid, bad tempered…he's also cute, easily provoked, cute, fluffy, cute, fit, cute, soft lips, cute, cute, cute, cute, baby faced, cute, cute… just cute. Cute. Cute. Cute?_

BANG!

Roy looked up. Riza is stood in front of him, her gun aimed at him. He looked behind him. She shot the bullet right beside his ear by 0.001 centimeter. _Shit._

"Sir, I believe you still have a lot of work to do. Can you stop drooling on the table and start doing the paperwork?"

"Sigh…Yes yes, I'll do my work now, Lieutenant Hawkeye. After I finish daydreaming," Roy muttered to himself, looking at his paperwork.

Riza aimed her gun at Roy. Click. Aim. Fire. BANG!

"Ouch!" Roy cried out loud. The bullet went right beside his hand by 0.001 centimetres, and scratched his hand. He glared at his First Lieutenant. Riza was just putting away her gun. "Lieutenant Hawkeye! Next time you fire that gun at me, there will be a punishment." Riza raised her eyebrow.

"A punishment, sir?"

"You heard me, a punishment. What if I do the same thing that I had done to Hagane to you?" Roy smirked.

"And what is it, sir?"

"Why, a kiss of course!" Roy grinned happily. _I get two treats in the same day!_

"Ah, so that was what you did to Edward earlier. He was swearing in 4 different languages when he left the office…"

"Really? Well, what kind of reaction would you make…?"

Riza aimed her gun at Roy.

"Touch me and die, Colonel Mustang." Roy surrendered.

"I'm just kidding, Lt. Hawkeye… no need to take it seriously, haha…" Roy sweatdropped. Riza put her gun away.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, I forbid you to shoot at me, Lt. Hawkeye. Shooting is dangerous. What if you accidentally hit me?"

"I won't, sir. And, I was told that when you start daydreaming, I am allowed to point that gun at you, and make you do work."

"What?! Who gave you that ridiculous order?"

"It was you, sir. You said that 10 days ago. I have eyewitnesses if you want me to give you some." Roy growled.

"You are to never point that gun at me ever again. Understood?" Riza nodded.

"Yes sir." _I'll use another one instead. I have 5 more available, anyways. _Roy started to do his work.

xxx

In the middle of his work, Roy had an idea. He looked at Riza and smirked.

"I have a favour to ask you." Riza took out her gun (A/N: a different one) and aimed it at Roy's head. "It has something to do with work." The first lieutenant raised her eyebrow.

"Continue." She stopped pointing the gun at his head.

"I want you to help Hagane act like a girl, so when he goes to his mission, his cover won't be blown. Can you do that for me?" Riza took out her gun again. "Pretty please?"

Silence.

"I'll give you $1000 for every hour."

Silence.

"You could buy 4 more guns with that amount of money…?" Riza shook her head. She pointed at a piece of paper and pen.

"Write this down, sir, if you want me to help you. 'I give you, Riza Hawkeye, the privilege of shooting me with any gun. This cannot be changed. Also, you can use the gun I have indicated 'not allowed' to shoot me or any of the sorts.' Write it down on a contract, and sign your name on it. Plus your stamp to show it is official." Riza said. Roy looked at her horrified.

"WHAT! What if you kill me?"

"I won't kill you, sir. I'll just shoot it 0.0001 centimetres away from you. I'm sure it won't kill you." Roy shook his head.

"No way am I doing that. Maybe I should just ask Scieszka to help me." Riza clicked the safety off her gun and aimed it at Roy. Roy quickly said, "Actually, I'll stick with you."　Riza pointed to the pen and paper on the table. Roy began to quickly scribble down what she said earlier and signed, stamped, and handed it to Riza.

"Thank you, sir. Now, before I agree to your favour, please finish all your paperwork by…" Riza looked at her pocket watch. 6:55 P.M. "By 7:30 P.M. You should be able to do 1 stack in less than 15 minutes. If you finish it by 7:30, I'll consider your request. Have fun. Good luck." With that, Riza left the room. Roy mentally swore.

T.B.C.

Hehe… Poor Roy… but… so funny! Haha… R&R!

**A/N: Didn't really change much except for the spacing so it's easier to read. **


	6. Chapter 5: The DOOR to DOOM

Disclaimer: Don't own FMA

Thank yous:

slytherinsess  
AnimeDutchess  
inuyashabooklover5188  
Freak0515  
Shingo-sama

A/N: Sorry everyone… I got this chapter all finished and stuff, but something doesn't feel right, so

I didn't post it up until now… I hope I fixed up the problem… ENJOY

**Edited: Revised on Dec. 29, 07**

Chapter 5: The DOOR to DOOM

Knock knock knock. _Huh? Who would be here this early? _Edward Elric sat up on his bed. He yawned. He was sleepy! He was finally able to sleep at 3AM (free from Roy-filled dreams) but now he got woken up 3 hours later, by an unexpected visitor! _I'm going to punch whoever that is ruining my sleep._

He opened the door, prepared to yell at the visitor.

"Who the he---" He stared at the gun pointing at him, and stuttered, "Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Said person lowered her gun and saluted.

"Good morning, Edward. The colonel personally asked me to help you with your training. So if you can, please change into your clothes so we can get started." Ed groaned. _At 6 in the morning? Are you crazy? No way am I going to do that…._

"Ugh… Come back ten years later. I'm going to bed. And DON'T wake me up." Ed almost closed the door when a gun got in between the door and the doorframe. Click.

"Ed?"

"Okay!" Ed opened the door. "Just let me have 1 more hour of sleep, please? I only got 3 hours of sleep and I'm dead tired!"

"… Are you having your beauty sleep, Edward?" Riza said evilly. "You shouldn't start that part yet, Ed, you still have a lot of things to cover, you know." Ed got red in the face.

"What the heck are you talking about? Of course not!"

"Then HURRY UP AND GET DRESSED SO YOU COULD DO YOUR _TRAINING_!" Roy popped out of nowhere and yelled beside Ed's ear.

"What the HELL! When did you come here, BASTARD Mustang?" Ed glared at Roy. Roy laughed. He thought of a good comeback.

"Oh, chibi, I was here all along. Don't you know? Chibi Hagane. Chibi, chibi, chibi…"

"Who're you calling a CHIBI who's smaller than a midget?"

"You. OOHH… I thought you ARE a MIDGET… But I never knew you liked being called CHIBI more than a MIDGET." Roy smirked evilly. He and Ed continued to argue until Hughes went by with an evil idea and said very loudly,

"Awww… Those LOVEbirds are having such a GOOD time together, don't you think?" Hughes, laughing very hard, ran off as fast as he can before he can be fried and given to Black Hayate as breakfast. Roy and Ed looked like a tomato, and Riza was trying her hardest not to start laughing.

"Sir, I think it is time for you to go back to your office and continue your paperwork."

"Alright…" Roy said unconsciously. He blinked several times. "What! I don't want to do paperwork! I want to see Ed suffer- I mean, training!" Ed raised his eyebrows. _Did he just say "suffer"? What the hell are they planning?!_

"…Colonel, did you, by chance, had any sugar in the morning?" Roy looked guiltily to the side.

"Well, I had my usual morning cup of coffee…" He paused.

"And? What else did you eat?"

"Um… I saw these really nice looking muffins… I think they were chocolate chip muffins. Tastes really good, too…" Riza sighed.

"Sir, those muffins are expired a few days ago. They're not supposed to taste good."

"WHAT!"

"Hughes must have forgotten to throw them out…" Ed interrupted them.

"Why would Mr. Hughes be in his house?" Riza and Roy both ignored him.

"That stupid Maes… I'm going to kill him the next time I see him…"

"But then it's not his fault that he didn't throw them away… He did say he's going to leave it there, _and_ he mentioned that they were expiring. On the day that he left it at your house."

"Does _Mustang_ and _Hughes_ have a secret relationship that we don't know about?" Ed smirked evilly. Roy hit him on the head.

"We're NOT in a romantic relationship together, Hagane." _Hah! Caught you!_

"But I didn't even mention you being in a _romantic_ relationship. I just said that you have a secret relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're in a _romantic_ relationship with each other…" Roy was about to argue back when Riza glared at him.

"Colonel, we're wasting time here. I need to train Edward. And you need to work on those documents that I gave you yesterday. I know you didn't finish them. So go back to your office and start working or else I'll shoot you." Riza pointed towards Roy's office, and Roy, being the defeated dog, walked slowly to his office. "And I'm coming to check how much you have done after I finish with Edward! As for you, Edward, I want you to change so we could start your training. It won't be good if you went outside in your pajamas…"

Ed groaned. Hawkeye pointed towards the bathroom. Ed followed her finger and got in to change. He came out a few minutes later in his usual black clothing and red jacket. Riza left the room, signalling for Ed to follow her. _I can't believe how Mustang can take this every day… she's even worse than Al… wait… never mind…_

"Where're we going, Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Ed asked. They passed numerous rooms, looking exactly alike, and numerous hallways. Riza stopped and turned around to face him.

"I have to blindfold you now, Edward. I don't want you to memorize where we're going and run away from me." _And it would be easier for my part if you get lost so you can't find your way back._ But of course she said that in her head (no doubt she would get the "you-are-a-sadist-you-know-that?" looks if she said that out loud.)

Ed gulped. Riza took out a cloth and tied it around Ed's eyes so he can't see. Riza held onto his hands and led him away. All Ed heard was the sound of footsteps, opening of multiple doors, and… that's mostly it. _I hope I can get out of this alive…_

xxx

"Here we go, Edward." Riza untied the cloth tied around Ed's head. "Sit in this chair and wait for me." She left.

Edward looked around. It seemed like a normal enough room… And there seems to be a abnormally large room filled with clothes on the other side of the room…

Riza came back.

"Close your eyes." He obeyed. "I'm going to roll up your sleeves, okay?" He nodded.

Something pointy poked at Ed's elbow. All of a sudden, he felt really drowsy. He fell into a deep slumber.

xxx

Ed opened his eyes. He rubbed them with his hand. He looked around. _Where am I? …Oh yeah, I'm supposed to start my training… stupid colonel. He's abusing his power just to see me wearing a stupid dumb dress. _

He slowly sat up. He played with his sleeves. _Hm? Something's not right._ Instead of what normal people would do (which was to look at their clothing), he walked up to the mirror standing in the middle of the room. _Why's there a mirror standing in the middle of the room anyways?_

He walked up to it. He blinked. And blinked. And blinked again. He moved his fingers. Ten seconds pass. He screamed.

T.B.C.

Ooh! Cliffy, right? Please review! Kimura Yuki and I are sooo happy that we got reviews!

**A/N: Yes! Revised 2 chapters in 1 day! XD**


	7. Chapter 6: AHHHH!

Disclaimer: Please read the first 2 chapters – it'll tell you exactly what you want

Disclaimer: I do NOT own FMA…

A/N: Thanks people for giving me your suggestions! (I just found out that it is not allowed to let readers vote…(sweat drop)) I hope you will like this chappy! Hehe… Sorry I took a long time… The computer caught a virus, and it won't let me delete it… My sister tried to delete it for 5 days… Then she declared that we couldn't save anything on the computer anymore… (cry) The computer has ALL my stories in it!

**Edited: Revised on July 3, 08**

Chapter 6: AHHH!

Ed walked in front of the mirror, dull clicking sounds following him. His eyes widened as he saw a girl with blackish-green hair, wearing a white turtleneck shirt, with it's sleeves flowing outwards (A/N: not sure if this makes sense, but just to clear it up, it's like those 'trumpet' pants… Hope you get what I mean…). This girl wore a light blue skirt that goes down to just a bit below her knees. As shoes, she wore those fancy brown high-heeled boots.

Edward stared at the cute girl in front of him. _Where did this girl come from? She looks pretty cute…_ Ed looked at her chest. _But…sigh… it's… so… wait… Wait a minute! This is a __mirror__. How would there be a girl?_ Something clicked inside of Ed's head. He moved his hands, then fingers. The person in the mirror did the same thing.

"AHHHH!" Ed ran around in circles, flinging his hands in all directions. "I BECAME A GIRL!! TURN ME BACK INTO A GUY! PLEASE!" He screamed. _No wait… I can't just suddenly turn into a girl in such short time… Or was I unconscious for _that_ long?! _

"This can't be happening to me, this cannot be happening to me… Why is life so mean to me? But most of all, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?" Ed screamed. His voiced bounced off the walls.

xxx

"Oh my… I've never seen him in such panic before! This is hilarious! Haha!" Roy laughed.

"I don't think Edward would like it if he knows of you laughing at him when he's dressed up as a girl." Riza told him. Roy looked at her and grinned.

"Look who's talking. You're laughing at him too."

"I'm not laughing at him. I'm just merely admiring my work at dressing Edward up."

"You mean treating him like a doll and then make him wear any kind of clothing that you just happened to want him to wear at the time." Riza thought for a moment.

"Yeah, that works too." She giggled. Roy looked shocked at her.

"Hawkeye, did you just _giggle_?" Riza coloured.

"I… I was _not_ giggling. What… what are you talking about? Are you hearing things, sir?"

Roy laughed at her. Riza glared at him.

"I am this much away from wanting to kick you in the crotch, sir." To prove her point she raised her already curled fist and aimed it at his… cough. Roy paled at the sight of her fist and slowly inched away from her.

"Um… heh, I just remembered that I had an appointment with… someone. I'll see you later, Hawkeye! Bye!" Riza watched as he bumped into several equipments that had just so happened to be there. He stopped and cursed at his bad luck when a table fell on top of his toe. How a table could fall on his toe will remain a mystery. "A table. A fucking table. What the hell. I'm going to burn whoever that placed these here…"

"Are you going to burn me, sir?" Roy looked at her weirdly, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to run away from her.

"Why would I want to do that?" Riza inwardly smirked at him.

"Because I was the one who put them there."

"!!" Bells started ringing in his mind, telling him that he need to get away from her as fast as humanly possible. "Oh… um… of course not, Hawkeye. Hehe… I guess I'll be going now…" And then he ran all the way back to his office and locked himself in it. Riza let go of the gun that she had in her hand and smirked.

"This is going to be fun…"

xxx

"I… I need to get out of here!" Edward raced to the door and pulled at the knob. It didn't budge. "NO!! FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID DOOR! OPEN!!" He pulled at it again. "I DEMAND THAT THIS DOOR OPEN AT ONCE! OPEN!!" He tugged at it for what seems to be forever. He heard a small "pluck" and then he flew backwards and landed on his bottom. The knob came off. Ed stared at it. "OH MY FUCKING… I KILLED THE DOOR!! NOW I CAN'T GET OUT!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!"

"Shut up, Edward, before I shoot you." The door said. Ed stared at the door. Did he just hear what he just heard?

"…the door…. Talks?" Ed stood up and poked the door. The door opened all of a sudden, knocking him away from it. "…after all that I did… I ONLY NEEDED TO POKE THE DOOR? WHAT THE #!!"

"Shut up Edward!" Riza covered her ears. But that didn't seem to help either, so she went up to Edward and _slapped_ him. Ed dropped onto the floor.

Silence.

"Yup, this is so much better, right Edward?" She looked down at him for his response.

There was none.

"…Edward?" She poked him.

Silence.

Riza cursed.

xxx

Ed laid on the floor, unconscious. Riza kneeled beside the unconscious 'lady'.

"Hey, chibi-chan! Edward, you are the size of a pea." She whispered inside Ed's ear. No response came from him. Riza sighed. _Is he perverted like Roy?_

"Hey Edward! Winry Rockbell is running around naked." Edward woke up at once.

"Huh?" He looked around. Riza punched him.

"PERVERT!" She yelled at him.

Ed held onto his ears, Riza's voice bouncing inside of his head.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Ed said unsurely. "How come there are ten of you?" Riza sighed. She stood up and dusted off invisible dust.

"Ed, please stand up. You're wasting your training time on the floor. There are a lot to teach you, before you go to Lior. First there is the manners, covering both eating, sitting, and talking. There is also the dress-up, I don't want you to be acting like a tomboy, and walking properly, like a YOUNG LADY." Edward's eyes widened.

"Everyday, I will teach you something new. You'd better remember everything that I will teach you. Or else…" Riza took out her gun and aimed at a target behind Ed. She clicked off the safety and fired 3 times. Ed looked behind him. The human (paper) target was shot at the same place, the place that will hurt the most to males.

Ed gulped.

"Yes Madam!" Riza put away her gun, and smiled.

"I hope that will never happen to you, Edward."

"Of course that won't happen!"

"Alright then. Let us start the training right now."

T.B.C.

Hoped you liked it!

**A/N: Added some stuff to it and changed spacing, etc… my writers' block for this is getting bigger and bigger (groans) Wanted to leave it until afterwards but then remembered that I'm going to be gone for July and August, with a computer that is supposed to be shared between 4 people (sigh) …and also the fact that the last time I had revised was last year… and the last time I had actually posted up a **new **chapter was last year… Well anyways, only 3 more chapters to revise/edit and then I'll be posting up the last chapter! XD **

**Until then,**

**Rose**


	8. Chapter 7: The Talk

A/N: Sorry for the long wait people... Just don't know how to start it...

Neji: Rosy does NOT own FMA FYI, because she doesn't have that good artistic skills.

Rose: (sob) Nya Neji-kun! By the way, FYI means, to those who don't know, for your information. Yup. Now, let the story begin! XD

Chapter 7: The Talk

When people (mainly secretaries, alchemists, etc.) pass by the "doors of doom", as our little Edward Elric calls it, they would hear either: screams of terror, yelling, and worst of all, gunshots. Most of the time, the people would chuckle, or sweat drop, or walk away ignoring the sounds coming from the room.

Riza Hawkeye sent Edward back to bed after their last day of training. Remembering, she went to Roy's office to report on Edwards... current status.

_Knock knock._

"Come in." Riza walked in, closed the door, and saluted to Roy.

"Good evening, sir." Roy was resting his head on his hands, seated in his usual plain black (?) chair behind the desk. "I have a report on Edward Elric."

Roy sighed. "Well, take a seat first, Riza-_chan." _Riza took a seat on a nearby chair.

"Onegai (please), sir, do not call me "Riza-chan", for it is very... disturbing..." Under her breath, she said, "I don't want to get murdered by him..." But Roy heard her.

"Who would murder you?" He raised his eyebrow. The lieutenant grinned an evil smile.

"That, I'll tell you later. Anyways, Ed has already passed his 3 day limit..."

"Ahh.. 3 days already? Time sure flies... So, tell me, how much has happened? Most importantly of all... Did Hughes did as he was told to?"

"A... lot happened, colonel. And yes, Hughes have already took the pictures of Ed in his embarrasing outfit, and also recorded it on tape, too. You sure you want to revenge on Ed? Seriously, it was just a prank... One that was... made on... accident." Roy's eyebrow twitched.

"An accident? You call pouring water on someone's head _accident?_ And then embarrass me by tripping me and Havoc, AND THEN LAND ON EACH OTHER AND THEN KISS? YOU CALL THAT AN ACCIDENT!" Roy's words echoed inside the room. Riza sighed.

"Everybody would know of it if you scream that loud... Besides, that happened over a month ago - before you sent Edward on that pointless mission."

"Well, revenge is sweet." Roy pouted. Riza sighed.

"Well, good luck to you too."

"Hmph! Bring Hagane to my office tomorrow morning. I would like to see the success of his... training... I would VERY much appreciate it if he would come in his... costume."

"Sir, you know VERY well that Ed would most likely attempt to murder you in your sleep if you make fun of him, and besides, it's not a costume. It's an outfit."

"As long as you get my point, it's fine... Don't worry, my dear lieutenant, he won't dare to murder me in bed." Riza stood up, indicating that she is leaving.

"You are a very sad case, Mustang. It's pretty late, and I would like to go to sleep. Goodnight, Colonel. By the way, please finish that stack of paperwork before you go to bed - there would be a LOT more tomorrow." Roy groaned.

"Goodnight to you too." He grunted. Before Riza fully left the room, she said one more thing.

"Remember to keep your _hormones_ in check, colonel, because I don't want our little Ed to get harrased... Or worse, raped." Roy turned a crimson shade of red. He threw his pen at the door - where Riza was last standing, and shouted at her,

"SHUT UP HAWKEYE!" Riza walked away laughing.

T.B.C.

I decided that I'm gonna cut this story short... I hope you'll like it... I actually wrote most of my chapter in school, but then I just never got the time to type it out... Chapter 8 out soon! XD


	9. Chapter 8: Getting Ready

A/N: Like I said, I'm posting this up as soon as I finish typing it! XD

Sasuke: She does not own FMA... except the plotline.

A/N: Hehe... by the way, to those who don't know, Sasuke and Neji are from NARUTO - the anime I'm currently obsessed in (besides Digimon 04, Yu Yu Hakusho, and HP crossovers - obsessed all over again). This friend of mine got me obsessed... (glares). Anyway, hope you enjoy XD

Chapter 8: Getting ready

"What?" Ed snapped irritably. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked at the person who woke him up. "What do you want, Hawkeye?" Riza stared at him, and her fingers started itching their way to her hostler. Seeing her action, Ed quickly said, "Good morning! What bring you here so early?"

"Rise and shine, chi-Edward." Oops. She almost said _chibi_... It doesn't really matter, but she doesn't want to wake everyone up in the building... Besides, it's just 8AM... Ah whatever. She has such a kind heart. "Colonel wishes to see your presence in his office, in your outfit before you leave." Edward stared at her. "This would be my final test for you. Act as though you are a true girl, and not some tomboy, understand?" Edward stared at her, then at her hand, where it rested beside her hostler, and moved his head slightly into a nod.

"Very good, Edward." Riza smiled at him. "Now... what to wear..." She closed her eyes and started to think. After a few seconds, she reopened her eyes, and smirked evilly at Edward. Edward mentally sweatdropped.

"I think you should wear that dress that we picked yesterday when we went shopping." She turned around and rummaged through Ed's dresser and took out a long _pink_ dress that reached down to Edward's ankles.

It is a long sleeved dress so people would not be able to see Ed's auto-mail arm. Although the dress is plain, there are little sparkles on it. The dress opens up a little in the front - but not big enough to see Edward's chest. Edward glared at it, and crossed his arms.

"Hmph. No. It's pink."

"You sure?"

"Hn. Obviously. Why would I want to wear such a girly dress anyways?" (A/N: No offense to those who likes those types of dresses... personally, I don't like dresses too XD)

"Ah... Well, I'm giving you a choice here. Either wear this one or go naked." Edward turned bright pink. "Or else another dress." He turned back to his original face color, minus the small pink tinge on his cheeks. Edward gave the lieutenant a no-way-in-hell-am-I-going-to-wear-that-dress look. "Are you sure you don't want to wear this one?"

"As long as it's not _pink_ anything would be fine."

"You sure?" A look that said I-already-said-no-so-stop-asking-me-that-damn-question! was sent towards Riza's direction. Said person sighed and said, "Well, there goes your last chance. You get no more say in what you'll be wearing... Don't give me that look, Hagane. And no, it's not going to be pink, of all colours. And yes, I'm picking out a dress that's going to fit _perfectly_ fine with you, that's not pink, and one that will make you look _pretty._" It surprised Ed that the blond lieutenant was able to read his mind so well.

Hawkeye turned around again to rummage in a different drawer. She produced two automails - a right arm, and a left leg.

Although the automails look like a normal pair of arm and leg, they are actually just metal, coated with a material that looks, and feels, like real skin (A/N: Please refer to The Movie).

"Put these on." Riza ordered Edward, and threw it in his direction. Edward caught it, and walked into the washroom to change his automails.

When Edward came out of the washroom, Riza was facing him, her hands behind her back.

"Hey, Edward, you finished?"

"Yeah."

"You in pain?"

"Sorta... Not much though."

"Alright... I got this really nice looking dress for you... Wear it to show to colonel Mustang." Edward stared at the dress. And stared. And stared...

"I'm am NOT going to wear that dress."

"Oh, yes you are!"

"NO I AM NOT!"

Shouts could be heard outside the door. After a long few minutes of... struggling... the pair was ready to go.

T.B.C.

Hehe... Hope ya like it XD


	10. Chapter 9: Date

A/N: Sorry minna-san for the long wait! ;; sorta got lost in a writers' block ;; This chapter especially long for those who I had kept waiting XD And a Merry Christmas to you all!

_Thoughts_

"_Words said through the ear piece"_

Chapter 9: Date

_Where in the world of Amestris is Hagane? He should've been here half an hour ago! _Roy Mustang paced around his room. He flopped down onto his chair and motioned for Hughes to come out of his hiding place - outside the window.

"Oi. Maes. You see them coming yet?" Maes looked around; seeing no one, he shook his head.

"Nope. Not a single living thing." He grinned at his own response, staring at Roy (A/N: Nope, I'm not gonna make this MaesRoy). Roy sighed.

"They should've been here a long ti- Hey! What do you mean by "not a single living thing"? I'm still breathing you know!"

"What? You're alive? Gasp! Oh my gosh!" Maes started to laugh, and Roy growled. He took out a small pocket knife, holding it close to the rope that was tied around Maes' waist to prevent him from falling. He _is_ three stories high above the ground...

"Watch what you're saying Maes..." Hughes stopped laughing. He quickly took the knife and threw it behind him. Somewhere behind him someone said, "HEY! DON'T THROW A KNIFE DOWN HERE YOU BASTARD!"

"Ah ha... ha... ha... (Mumbles) gosh, you're so bastard-like today..." Glare. "I take that back, your highness..." Another glare.

"You should be glad that you're not fried yet."

_Knock knock_

"Come in." He walked in front of his desk and leaned backwards, while Hughes quickly hid back at his hiding spot, his camera at the ready.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye reporting. I have brought Edward." Hawkeye saluted. Roy raised an eyebrow.

"Hagane? I only see you, Hawkeye..." Riza reached behind her and pulled a girl out and pushed the girl out in front of her. The girl then tripped on her dress and fell onto Roy. He chuckled. The girl turned pink and pushed herself away.

"Shut up!" Roy grinned. He looked Ed over. And his jaw dropped.

Standing in front of him was a beautiful _girl_ - though he reminded himself that it was Edward in disguise - in a blue t-shirt and white skirt that went up to her knees. Her hair was dyed brown, and is a bit longer than her shoulder. What he didn't expect Edward to wear was the t-shirt (as he had already seen Ed wear a skirt before), because the shirt was (supposedly) open up to her chest, but then it seemed that they had added white straps to close the gap. The sleeves too were made in the same style. He must be staring at him for a long time, for Edward blushed even more, and Riza had coughed to get his attention.

"Yes?" He said, subconsciously noting that he was drooling. Oops.

"Colonel, I believe there was something that you wanted to say to Edward here..." She glared at him.

"Ah, yes. Well, Hagane, your three days are up. To prove that you are um... worthy... Yes, worthy, of this mission...You'll have to go on a date with me." Roy smirked. Ed stared at him. And Riza hid her grin. Ed opened his mouth, then closed it, and then opened it up again.

"What the HELL do you mean that I have to go on a DATE with you?"

"Heh, exactly what the words meant. Now, you should be happy that you get to go out with me, the one and only Roy Mustang. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go change, and when I come back here, I want you to be ready. Got that? Yes? Okay, well, I'll see you in a bit. Heh." Without waiting for Ed to say anything, Roy left the room. Riza sighed and then turned to Ed.

"Now, Edward, during this date, your name would be Sophia. Now, as Mustang clearly stated, this would be similar as a test for you. _And you better not screw up._" While Edward - I mean, Sophia - continued to stare at the door, Riza gave Hughes the thumbs up, and then quickly left.

Edward slowly sank onto the floor, his head in his hands. He groaned. _Oh my god. Why am I always pulled into these things? Argh...Should I kill him? Make it look like an accident... Yeah... Hehe..._

When Roy walked back in his office, he saw Edward staring off into space with an evil smile with an equally evil laugh. He sweat dropped.

"Uh... Edward?" Ed looked at him, and then smirked evilly. _Let's put my plan into action. _Edward walked over to Roy, swaying his hips; his skirt blowing in the air. Roy eyed him suspiciously.

"Tsk tsk. My name's not Edward, Roy, and its Sophia." He cupped Roy's face with his hand, and then, with his other hand, spun them around to that they were leaning on the desk, him on top of Mustang. "Remember that, 'Kay? Besides," he leaned dangerously close to Mustang's ear, and said seductively, "I don't want our date to get ruined." He then got off of Roy, and walked around the table to sit in the chair. Silently, he clapped his hands together, and then touched the pane of glass behind him.

Finally coming to his senses, he walked over to Edward, and stared at him.

"Anything I can do for you?" Edward purposely put his right leg on his left (trying to look as much as he can to be seductive), and rested his chin on his right hand. Roy looked from his crossed legs to his arms, and then finally to Edward's lips. He gulped. Edward smirked.

"_Pst! Roy! Hey!"_ Roy blinked. _Hughes? _He looked around.

"Huh?" Edward stared at him.

"_Roy! The ear piece, dimwit! Remember the thing you put in your ear and the other piece that's hidden in your collar? Yeah, _that_." _Roy blinked, and then mouthed, "Oh."

"_Yes! You finally got it! Oh my god! Let's give you a prize! You idiot!" _Roy glared at the space in front of him, which is Edward.

"What? Hm?"

"Nothing, nothing, Hagane."

"Then why are you staring at me?"

"Um…" There's no way he's going to tell Edward about the ear piece… _"Roy! Tell him, "oh,""_

"Oh,"

"_You're"_

"You're"

"_too"_

"Too"

"_Cute, and sexy; makes me want to rape you."_

"Cute, and sexy; makes me want to rape you." Edward stared at Roy, a pink slowly making its way up his neck and on his nose.

"Wuh, what? What the hell!" Edward spluttered. It took a while before Roy realized what he said before him, too, started to blush a bright pink (A/N: I like making people blush).

"I mean… I- nothing! I- Fuck you!" He shouted out loud to Hughes. _"Pft, ahahah, I can't, hahaha, believe, haha, you actually SAID it! Blackmail material, man! Ahhaha…_"

"What?"

"_Ooh… are you really going to screw me? Sorry man, but I'm married." _Roy glared at Edward, his fingers itching to snap.

"Just shut up, Maes." Roy whispered. _"I would, but since you would die if you can't hear my voice… okay, okay, I'll stop. Push lightly on the pane of glass behind Ed." _Roy did as he was told. _Cling!_

The glass shattered and flew out the window. Roy stared. Edward stared. Maes grinned.

"How-how did you find out? I made sure that… There was no way! I calculated all the possibilities!" Roy refocused his attention on to Edward.

"I-"

"Hmph!" Ed walked over to the door. "I'm gonna ditch you if you're still gonna be standing there looking like an idiot." With that Edward walked out.

Roy peeked out of the door to see no one in the hallways. He nodded, and then sprinted back over to the windows.

"Pst! Maes! You okay there?" Roy looked out the window.

There, struggling to hold on tight to the rope was Maes. He looked up with his forehead full of sweat.

"Do I _look_ okay to you? Help me up! I'm gonna drop and then die, and then I won't ever be able to see my Elisa again!" Roy raised an eyebrow, and then pulled on the rope. "Wait! Don't pull!"

"Why?"

"The rope is breaking! Hurry up and fix it up!!!!!!!!" Roy took out a piece of chalk, drew out a transmutation circle, and then put his hands on top of it. In a bright light, the rope was repaired. Roy put the chalk back into his pocket.

"Here. I gotta go. Bye!" Hughes stared at the retreating figure a.k.a. Roy Mustang.

"What the hell? That traitor… Leaving me here to die… I need revenge… " Maes evilly laughed out loud.

"SHUT UP!" Some random military person yelled. Maes glared at the poor guy, and said,

"YOU shut up!" He pointed at him. The guy gulped – of course, having _the_ Maes Hughes glaring at yourself is scary – and ran away. Hughes cackled evilly, his hands clutching onto his sides. Stopping suddenly, he thought, _wasn't I holding onto the rope…?_ He looked at his hands, and then looked at the rope, and then at the ground. _Uh oh.

* * *

_

"Where are we going?" Sophia asked. Roy chuckled.

"Somewhere over the rainbow sky…" Sophia glared at him. "You'll know when we get there."

"Bastard…" Sophia mumbled.

_Click!_

Hughes laughed evilly. He'll get his revenge… no one mess with him and gets away with it! Random passersby stopped to look at the guy in military uniform.

"Did he just come out of the mental hospital?" Woman A asked.

"Maybe… look at him! He probably crawled through a hole to get here! There's mud all over him!" Woman B answered.

"And… is that a banner on his forehead?"

"Yeah… can you read it?"

"Of course I could! Even without my glasses, I could still read! The banner says, "Get hot Mustang to… shag with… me!"" _I think,_ Woman A thought. _Damn! I knew I should've brought my glasses with me... it sounds so farfetched… would she even believe me?_ Woman A looked at B and it seemed as though her friend had totally bought the lie. _Lucky…_

"Oh my god! That super hot _Roy Mustang?_ OH my god!! Shag that hot guy? Oh my god! That's so hot!"

"Just _imagine_! Roy Mustang shagging a guy! Oh my god! That's so hot!" The next few minutes were filled with squealing.

"What did you just say? I'm the hottest guy in the whole HQ! Of COURSE Roy hottie-boy would want to shag me! And of course, I am the S! I'm on top!" Hughes glared at Woman A and B. Woman A and B squealed their fan girl hot-boy-shagging-another-guy-and-is-the-submissive squeal.

"Oh my god! Cutie-Roy is the submissive! Let's go tell Crystal!"

"Crystal?"

"Yeah! She's the biggest gossiper around. She'll know what to do with this information!"

"Alright! Let's go!" Woman A and B ran off together, in their search for Crystal.

"No, wait! I didn't mean, no, don't leave yet! I DON'T WANT TO SHAG ROY MUSTANG!!" Hughes cried out.

* * *

"I… Want… Shag… Roy Mustang!!"

Roy almost spat out his drink. _Did Hughes just say he wants to shag me? What the hell? He _knows_ that I love Riza!_ At the same time, Sophia chocked on her cake.

"You're dating Hughes?"

"No! Never! I would never, never, NEVER go out with _Hughes_ of all people!" Sophia raised an eyebrow.

"But he just admitted his undying _love_ for you."

"He is nothing but a brother to me!" Sophia grinned evilly. _Payback time._

"Oh? So does that mean you were doing incest?" This time, Roy really spat out his coffee. "Eww! Gross!"

"No way! I would rather shag ARMSTRONG than shag HUGHES! For your information, that was really girly." Sophia dismissed the last comment.

"Now THAT is scary… hmm… Now what would Armstrong say when he knows of your… crush on him? Hmm?" Roy stared at Sophia, his eyes almost popping out.

"You would NEVER do that." Sophia grinned.

"Oh? Really? Although… if you really don't want me to tell _anyone_, then… maybe, a bargain? I won't tell anyone as long as you let me go from this date." Roy stared. "It's such a good deal, too, you know."

"You know, _Sophia_, that I have more of an advantage than you. I don't have to tell you where you could get your information in finding the Stone. Well, I could always take away your license, the only identification of proving that you are what you are: a State Alchemist. Once that is taken away, you will have no access to any restricted areas around the world. Now, tell me. Are you still going to tell anyone?" (A/N: Oooh, an evil Roy!! XD) Sophia glared at him with hatred.

"You wouldn't _dare_."

"Heh. Maybe, maybe not. Now, let's relieve ourselves from this thick atmosphere, and watch a movie! Come on!" He stood up. A waitress walked up to him.

"Sir, your payment…" Roy grinned brightly at her.

"Yes? Miss?" The waitress sighed happily and said,

"Nothing, sir, please, have a good day." Roy smirked and blew her a kiss. The waitress quickly fainted.

"What? I don't want to watch a movie though! Hey! Stop pulling onto my wrist! Hey!" Sophia's voice faded into the air…

* * *

The sun had set, and, even though he didn't want to admit it, Edward had a lot of fun. It was the first free day he had since that tragedy year ago. Currently, he was waiting for Bastard-Mustang who went to buy himself and him ice cream. He started to swing on the swing. (A/N: Okay… anyone got that?)

"Ice cream?" Edward had asked.

"It's a sweet. Trust me, you'll love it." Roy had replied. Edward continued to stare into space, thinking about all those things he had done with Al for the past years. A triangular cone with a ball perched on top of it appeared in front of his face.

"Ah!" Edward tightly held onto the chains of the swing. He glared at the intruder. "Huh?"

"It's called ice cream. Try it. I bought chocolate for you." Roy said. Edward took the ice cream and took a small taste.

"Tastes pretty good. I never thought there could be food that looks weird but tastes good at the same time…" Roy grinned.

"Told you its good." Edward looked at Roy's cone. "Mine's vanilla – it's a lot plainer than chocolate; I don't like too sweet food." Edward stored that piece of information away – it could be of use later on.

"Can I try it?"

"Sure." Roy gave Edward his cone. Ed took a little lick.

"Tastes plain. I like mine more." Ed said, after a few seconds. Roy chuckled.

"Of course it's plain. That's why I chose it, stupid." Ed glared at him.

"Whatever, bastard." Roy stared at Ed, who looked quite innocent right now. He sighed. How could a boy that innocent suffer from so many burdens? _My original plan was to get him to loosen up. Guess my plan had succeeded. _

"R… Roy?" Roy snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Edward. He kneeled down in front of him.

"Yes?" He leaned closer to Edward. A pink slowly made its way across Ed's cheeks.

"Um… I just wanted… to say… thank you for today." Roy grinned. "This is the only time I'm saying thanks! It'll never happen again!" Roy laughed.

"Well then, you are welcome, my princess." Before Ed could say anything, Roy captured his lips. Ed stared, wide-eyed. Why is Roy kissing him again? His ice cream lay forgotten on the ground. The moment seemed to last forever. Edward suddenly reclaimed his senses and curled his fingers into a fist. He drove his fist into Roy's stomach, and Roy fell backwards.

"I am NOT a princess, bastard." Edward growled.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Hagane. Remember our deal from earlier on… no calling me bastard, and there will be no kisses… (A/N: look back at chapter 3)" Edward glared at him. Ed stood up and Roy followed his lead. Ed glared at him once more before turning away. Roy called after him.

"Good job today, Hagane. Come back to the HQ tomorrow morning. I have a surprise for you."

"HMPH!"

"Remember to drink your milk, Hagane. Or else you'll never be taller than me."

"WHO DID YOU SAY IS SO SMALL THAT YOU NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO SEE?!" Roy chuckled.

"And good day to you too." He turned around and walked to the general direction of his home.

T.B.C.

A/N: Well, there is only 1 chapter left… hope you had liked this Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


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